Stuck in my thoughts..questioning my actions and wondering why things happen the way they do. I use to think that everything that happened to me was someone else fault. Until just recently when I guess I had a realization, I still am thinking that way. I preach on and on and on about how much I’ve grown in other aspects of my life and how I am such a different person. Well I am, but not entirely. I have trust issues just because I am human and I have feelings. But holding on to them until I die will not help me become a greater human being or a greater soul in general. Talking and working out my feelings is what will help me grow. Well let me rephrase that, talking with the person or persons that are giving me the trust issues about the trust issues will help me grow. Sheltering myself from hurt and pain will not change how I feel in future relationship when it comes to men. I am with a person that loves me completely for who I am. No matter how crazy my family is no matter if he’s never heard of half the stuff I talk about because we come from two different back grounds to different lifestyles. He listens and learns from what I try to teach him about life, from what I have learned from the people that have taught me so well,*mom* so that he can not be so narrow-minded and so judge mental. And he has. I was blind sited to the fact that right before my eyes this person that I met, 7 years ago, was changing. Not only has he matured not only has he accepted my crazy family and my crazy SELF he has become a better person for himself. And while this is going on I’m still acting the same way I use to I’m still manipulating the situation so that I can blame him for every thing that i don’t like about us. I blame him for things that I cause, I blame him for not understanding things that no one else could possibly understand. When we first met I felt so insecure I felt like I had to compete. I’ve never felt like that in any relationship. And I blamed him for that, but really it was my own thoughts that made me come to that conclusion. I got insecure because I gave him his thoughts, meaning I made up in my head what I thought he was thinking, when he never said one word about it. Love is blind sometimes. In every aspect of a relationship love is blind, blind to the fact that it could be me that is messing this up that is the reason behind the fights that is the reason behind the break ups. I’ve come to realize, OK NOW YOU MIGHT WANT TO WRITE THIS DATE AND TIME DOWN CAUSE IT WILL BE A TIME TO REMEMBER, It’s not all about ME! If I keep going through life thinking everyone has to give me everything that I want when I want it. I’m not going to get anywhere because that is not in “my cards” Some people yes they are just given things. Not I. I had to pick the woman that taught me otherwise. And I don’t regret it one bit. So to end this, I have found myself from a relationship that I thought I would lose. From someone that is willing to teach me things and also willing to learn. It’s my time to grow up, and make the people that I love proud.