damaging your life.
Posted by: unbreakabler on: August 13, 2008
The house wreaks of cigarettes and alcohol.. nothing new, hearing him scream at the top of his lungs and ol school 70’s song .. he looks so happy but he’s got to be so miserable.. Never knowing what to expect. Promises of money, happiness and so much more is all just a broken record i’ve heard before. “Please stop” , i’ve said millions of times. Never hearing or seeing the hurt that is in my voice. He just keeps on, like he has nothing to live for anymore. Why? He is the 100% Christian who goes to church every Sunday comes home and drinks 20 Red Dogs *beer* Takes about 7 or 8 shots of long Island Ice tea Mix, smokes about 10 cigarettes in 3 hours. And lectures me about how I should live my life. Because his is so fucked up he thinks he can tell me what is right and wrong? Learn from what others teach you, good or bad, It takes a special kind of person to sit there and let someone kill themself. How can you do it? How can you know that something is SO bad for you that you are risking this life that “SOMEONE” has given you just to do something that isn’t all that great to begin with? What it shuts out all the fucked up shit you got going on in your life for a good HOUR .. depending on how much you drink, well for him he should be on a 24 hour high for as much as he does. People make me sick. Its disgusting. I’m glad I can stand strong and never back down to the pressure of drugs and alcohol. i know my limits and i’ll never surpass them. I love the people in my life that understand this. Not quite done with this thought but its a start.
2 Responses to "damaging your life."
August 14, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Perhaps the truest test of love is to allow someone to be who they are. ALL OF THEM. Hell, that’s not easy even on a good day, but it doesn’t change the truth of it. And loving them like that may just mean watching them destroy themselves.
Something else to keep in mind is that your love may be one of the few things that person feels through all their numbness.
As for you, take care of yourself and don’t get too caught up in their drama of destruction. Do what you need to do for you. Like expressing yourself as you did here. It’s a gift for yourself and may be for others as well.
My love is with you.
August 14, 2008 at 12:51 pm
First, love the new look of your blog. Very cute.
Second, my heart just wants to open up and take you in, to hold you close and protect you and make this all easier for you. The hard part is that we all live with the reality of who our parents are. They have their stories and their wounds and they unfortunately pass those on to us. The amazingly beautiful thing is that we get to choose our response. Your wisdom and insight to your father and his addictions have become a backbone to your life choices. You are choosing strength instead of weakness. I know how big your heart is and that you have compassion for him and that is the most any of us can do. I had the same relationship with my father. I wanted to love him, his addictions made sure I didn’t even really get to know him. It took a lifetime for me to accept myself for who I really am, instead of who I was through his eyes. Alcoholism is a horrible destruction of life. It robs everyone involved from the love that was meant to be. I grieve for you my beautiful daughter, I know too well your pain and I would wipe yours away if I only knew how. Keep being the wise and beautiful woman that you are and you will draw the strength from your life experience. That the doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. so they say…..
I LOVE YOU.