Be glad when you are mad…
Posted by: charlottescott on: June 26, 2008
Sometimes what we are feeling seems overwhelming and we try to stop feeling it. Anger can feel like something to stop, to get rid of…but perhaps it is just a message from our inner self that guides us to greater knowledge that can improve our quality of life. Before you push the anger down or throw it at someone else take a look and see…what’s in this for me?
love… how to deal?
Posted by: unbreakabler on: June 23, 2008
Might be a little rambled and jumbled and flip floppy.. but thats what blogs are for right?
love
An indescribable feeling, heart races, hands sweating, knees are weak what is this??
the kind of unconditional love you get from you parents.. aren’t they suppose to love you forever and ever no matter what?? So shouldn’t i love them the same?
I never knew the true meaning of love. I never knew how to trust myself with someone else let alone trust myself with myself. I never could believe what people told me but then again I never believed anything I told people. I had so many different stories it was hard to keep them straight. Why? The only thing that I can think of that makes any kind of sense is that I was competing. I love my brothers all of them, but growing up in a house that one in particular is the center of attention and can do no wrong son, the golden child if you will is hard. So when I did something that i knew in my heart was bad or not the right thing, i lied and acted like it never happened because i didn’t want them to think less of me, i wanted to be the one they were proud of, so instead of just doing the right thing and making them proud that way i just “pretended” that i was the good one. So in the sense of why did i spend 95% of my childhood and teen years lying?? Well the explanation sucks!! I feel like I betrayed my family, how could I look someone I love in the eye and say “Nope, I didn’t do it!” Well regardless of what i did back then today is anew day.. lying is just .. unacceptable i hate when people lie to me why would i lie to people? Do unto others as you would want them to do to you. Well if only it were that easy.
What do you do when someone has lied to you.. from the start..big and small.. but you believed them from the start… so where do you go from here? Things have changed, they’ve changed and from what you understand they don’t lie. But you still always think, what if? What if they lie about this or that or this.. and it just drives you crazy. What do you do then? Give up on everything and say oh well or fight it out and learn to trust?
Maybe you know because I don’t.
if only she could fit in my pocket….
Posted by: unbreakabler on: June 19, 2008
- In: My thoughts
- 1 Comment
if only people could understand my mind… understand the thoughts that i have and the things i have been through and are still going through. I have so many wonderful people in my life… family matters so much to me.. i’m not very close to anyone OUTSIDE the immediate family. I grew up disrespecting my mom because it was easy… i regret this more than anything now the present is what matters, my mother is my rock, she will be a part of my soul till the day i die, because we both chose that. Here I am, with tears falling from my eyes, writing this just thinking about how much she has affected my life and the choices I have made and are still making. No words can completely explain the bond we have together. No one will ever replace that. No one can. She gets me more than I get myself. She knows the secrets that even the love of my life doesn’t. She never passes judgment, and excepts my flaws. You may think oh thats part of what a mother does. No it isn’t. They have a choice in life too. And she chose me. I get flack all the time from my dad for loving her so much. *divorced when i was 3, marriage was a wreck way before that* All the hate he has for her, because I’m his daughter and he does so much for me I should have that to?? Never have and never will. I will be the one person in his life that will stick up for her no matter how much wrong she has done or how much she has hurt him. I love her for the woman she has made me, I love her for the woman she has become. And I respect her more than I could respect myself for her honesty and huge heart. We are more like one person when it comes down to a lot of things. And I love that I can have this bond and relationship with my mother.
unfinished thoughts….
Posted by: unbreakabler on: June 19, 2008
- In: My thoughts
- 1 Comment
millions of thoughts running through my head day in and day out.
how did i become this person?
how do i change my life, for the better?
yum, that brownie looks good.
*a wide variety of thoughts i might add*
Anyway moral of the blog ..
too much shit goes through my head and its hard to keep everything in check
*ill finish this thought later..haha
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